Does insurance cover this?

So today started out great! It was our annual family reunion. All my kids were in town. Most of them were making a weekend of it, catching up with old friends and all. We had a family lunch at my house, but the kids couldn't take much more of us talking about old times and embarrassing them with their baby pictures. The oldest decided they should all retreat to his house where they could enjoy themselves without the old folks bothering them. Ha! I didn't mind. I was just surprised to see all 10 of them actually agreeing on something! (I wish that could've happened a little more during the long vacation road trips).

This is where my day turned sour (not them leaving as much, as what happened as soon as they had all left). As I watched the last of their rental cars and taxis pull out of the driveway, my Crop Foreman came running my way (nearly getting himself run over in the process). It's no short jog from where his crew was plowing, to the house, so I asked him why he wasn't driving the new truck I had bought him. He didn't bother answering that question, instead he replied,

"I had the new fleet of tractors out plowing while the older ones went back to the shop to refuel. But before we could even get started, a dozen men came in masks carrying guns! They took the keys right from our hands! I saw them shoot each of our workers as they surrendered the keys. They were going to shoot me, but I jumped from the truck and high-tailed it here."

This is bad. These vandals are out of control!

Then I saw my newest cowpoke running up the driveway. I never saw a man run so fast in boots.

"Sir, sir! There was a brush-fire on the plains! It happened so fast! We could even get the herd out of the way. They got trapped and burnt alive! The herd, the cowboys, all of them! I was just getting back from fetching everyones coffee and saw it all. I came straight here!"

This is really, really bad. It's not even the dry season...

Is that another person running up the drive? Yep. My most loyal employee, my horse trainer.

Wait... I recognize that frantic look...

"Boss! They stole them! The whole team, took every one! They stole all the horses and beat the stable boys til they stopped breathing! I hid in the hay loft where they wouldn't see me. They're all gone, Boss!"

This is really, really, really bad. ...Maybe I'm on that show "Punk'd"! Where's Ashton Kutcher?

And now a taxi comes flying up the driveway. I really need to find a better spot to hang out.

The driver jumps out and says,

"Sir, I just came back from your son's house. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but a rogue tornado developed by your son's house and totally flattened it! The fire department is sorting through the rubble, but the chief says no one survives demolitions like this one."

I had listened to all this in silence, but I couldn't keep it in any more!

I collapsed on the driveway. I started puling my hair out. Why?

I cried out:

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."

Doesn't make the hurt stop though...